Infidelity can break trust in a relationship and damage your intimacy. But couples who choose to move forward together after infidelity can emerge stronger and more connected. If you’re struggling with an affair or infidelity, contact me to discuss what strategies might be best for you.
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What is “infidelity,” exactly?
People in committed relationships engage in a vast range of extra-marital behaviors -- from full-on love affairs, to relationships that are exclusively about sex, to casual or anonymous sex, to “emotional affairs” that never become physical, to “cyber-infidelity” where the action is all online. Sexual affairs and so-called “emotional affairs” can activate a wide range of powerful emotions. Discovery of a partner’s infidelity can be extremely traumatic, and can have long-lasting effects on both partners and on the relationship.
How common is infidelity in marriage and other committed relationships?
No one knows, since there’s not guarantee that respondents to surveys are giving honest answers. Male infidelity has always been very common, but women seem to be catching up in this regard — possibly due to increased economic independence and greater participation in the workforce. We now live in an “age of transparency,” where infidelity is much more likely to be discovered. Most often couples are being discovered by text, email, or some other electronic data.
People in committed relationships engage in a vast range of extra-marital behaviors -- from full-on love affairs, to relationships that are exclusively about sex, to casual or anonymous sex, to “emotional affairs” that never become physical, to “cyber-infidelity” where the action is all online. Sexual affairs and so-called “emotional affairs” can activate a wide range of powerful emotions. Discovery of a partner’s infidelity can be extremely traumatic, and can have long-lasting effects on both partners and on the relationship.
How common is infidelity in marriage and other committed relationships?
No one knows, since there’s not guarantee that respondents to surveys are giving honest answers. Male infidelity has always been very common, but women seem to be catching up in this regard — possibly due to increased economic independence and greater participation in the workforce. We now live in an “age of transparency,” where infidelity is much more likely to be discovered. Most often couples are being discovered by text, email, or some other electronic data.
What causes infidelity?
Every couple’s story is different. Sometimes an extramarital relationship can be motivated by something missing in your marriage, or by unresolved personal issues. But infidelity can happen to happy couples too. It doesn’t necessarily mean there was anything wrong with your marriage. Sometimes infidelity can just be the result of a series of bad decisions. That being said, if you find yourself being repeatedly unfaithful, there may be something in your emotional life that you need to pay attention to.
What are the most frequent mistakes people make after they discover their partner’s infidelity?
Every couple’s story is different. Sometimes an extramarital relationship can be motivated by something missing in your marriage, or by unresolved personal issues. But infidelity can happen to happy couples too. It doesn’t necessarily mean there was anything wrong with your marriage. Sometimes infidelity can just be the result of a series of bad decisions. That being said, if you find yourself being repeatedly unfaithful, there may be something in your emotional life that you need to pay attention to.
What are the most frequent mistakes people make after they discover their partner’s infidelity?
- They conclude that the relationship “was all a lie.”
- They assume the relationship is over. (In fact, most committed relationships survive infidelity).
- Or they assume there’s something wrong with them for still wanting to stay in the relationship. (In fact, most people in this situation still choose to stay together).
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FEELING ALONE, ISOLATED OR DISCONNECTED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Unprocessed trauma, dishonesty, pain, affairs, or other life challenges can shatter and impact your relationship with your partner. In couples therapy, Luisa helps you identify the negative problematic cycles that are creating an abyss in your relationship and she will guide you to create new cycles of bonding interactions. Luisa is trained in Sex Therapy, Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to assist couples in rebuilding connection, intimacy, and trust in order to restore the relationship. |
What are the most common mistakes unfaithful partners make after their infidelity has been discovered?
They deny their infidelity. Or they admit certain parts, but not the whole thing. This can lead to much worse feelings of mistrust and betrayal when additional details are discovered.
